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  • Writer's pictureDwight

Have You Met the Hyper-Rational Saboteur?



Have You Met the Hyper-Rational Saboteur?


Losing someone we love is one of life's most challenging experiences. Grief is a messy, complex journey, and the support we receive along the way can profoundly impact our healing. Today, I want to talk about the "hyper-rational saboteur" in Positive Intelligence and how it can unintentionally hinder genuine connection during times of grief.


The hyper-rational saboteur tells us we can power through pain with efficiency, logic, and emotional control. In others, it can manifest as a forced positivity that glosses over genuine empathy. While their intentions are likely good, this approach can leave us feeling unseen and unheard in our grief. I experienced this firsthand after losing my husband. Interactions with well-meaning individuals who "cheered me up" or downplayed my emotions left me feeling worse. Their efforts, though kind, created a disconnect and amplified my sense of isolation.


Thankfully, I also encountered others who embraced a different approach. They offered a listening ear, held space for my tears, and simply sat with me in my grief. In those moments, I felt validated and truly seen. Their emotional intelligence allowed them to navigate the complexities of my pain and offer genuine support.


So, what can we learn from this? If you're supporting someone experiencing loss, remember:


Acknowledge their pain. Don't shy away from difficult emotions. Validate their feelings and let them know it's okay to grieve.


Offer a listening ear, not unsolicited advice. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is simply listen without judgment.


"By understanding the nuances of emotional intelligence, we can offer support that truly uplifts and empowers those navigating grief."

Be patient. Grief is not a linear process. Respect their timeline and allow them to express their emotions freely.


Offer practical support. Help with errands, meals, or childcare can relieve burdens and demonstrate your care.


By understanding the nuances of emotional intelligence, we can offer support that truly uplifts and empowers those navigating grief. Let's create a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and supported during life's toughest moments.


Share your thoughts: Have you encountered the hyper-rational saboteur in yourself or others? How can we cultivate more emotionally intelligent support systems?



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